OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...

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OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...
« on: January 12, 2009, 12:43:58 AM » by oliveoil

I don't know if it's ok to start a new thread but I felt it needed it's own.
My son is 12 years old and has a fear of sickness, disease, germs, viruses...I have tried to reason with him about it but it doesn't seem to help. I'm not sure this is an OCD issue because it seems to be just an issue with sickness and germs. And I can understand how it started.
We used to attend a church that had a potluck every Sunday and the children would all rush up first and dish themselves up.
They weren't required to wash their hands, and were not monitored in any way. I recall one Sunday that I happened to notice 3 particular young boys, one was picking his nose, one was scratching his seat and the other sneezed into his hand-I made a mental note not to get behind those three-low and behold they somehow all three were lined up in front of me. Looking back as a parent I should have said "You, you and you go wash your hands...."
Anyway we were often sick when we attended there, as well as the whole congregation. Yet nothing was ever said. Except amongst our own family we lamented this, I'm sure within our kids' hearing. Yes I know I could have handled this all better, I'm just stating facts.
Then about a year and a half ago, we were at a family gathering and a niece of mine was sick and coughing horribly all over the table set for a special dinner. We all became terribly ill and I was on the verge of Pneumonia because of it. Again I could have prevented the spread of disease but fear of offending won out. And so we all came down with this terrible flu. So I know that ever since those times my son has become obssessed with cleanliness and germs-to a certain point.
He monitors all the younger kids hand washing habits. Yet his own bathroom is disgusting and filthy. He doesn't like to shower often, and doesn't take care to not eat too much sweets. (typically we're not junk food eaters but currently we have chocolate from the Holidays around)
It seems to be getting worse and it's starting to concern me. He's started washing his own silverware after he's taken it out of the drawer CLEAN! He wants to make his own lunches and is constantly asking me if I've washed my hands when I'm fixing meals-not once but several times during the process.
Is this an OCD or a valid concern gone mad?
I've talked to him about antibacterial soap (because he depends on it) and tried to explain that there is good and bad bacteria etc. We've even explained that yes we made mistakes in the past and were not careful with our families health but we have learned etc etc...
If it's not OCD I wonder will it develop into that? I try to make him see his concerns are valid but also help him to see reality.
Any insight?

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Re: OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2009, 01:48:20 AM » by aireachail

I don't feel equipped to give you a very profound answer... but I have two thoughts.

#1. Perfectionism is a good servant, but a bad master. It is very useful when you can "turn it on" for a worthwhile cause, but it is detrimental if you are controlled by it. I speak from experience- I'm a perfectionist about many things, and need to learn to let some things go.

So it might help your son to discuss his habits openly, and express that you are concerned about him being controlled by something like this. Help him to see it in the light of something that will be beneficial to him if he controls it, and otherwise, it will make him (and others) miserable.

#2. It sounds like he could use some education as far as what exactly makes people sick, "how clean" things need to be to prevent illness, etc. (I.e. washing silverware twice is not going to sterilize it...) We are often most afraid of the unknown. If this is something he's worried about, help him research how germs are transmitted and work together to make a plan to avoid illness. Also, you might encourage him to practice good hygiene and nutrition as a means of keeping himself as healthy as possible. Perhaps some education might relieve his fear of the unknown and help him to realize that his environment will never be sterile, but that he can take reasonable, practical steps to avoid illness, such as washing hands and not touching his face.

I'm known for being slightly germaphobic too... so I can empathize with your son. It's hard to balance cleanliness with practicality sometimes, but it might help to mention to him that we can take all the steps possible to reasonably prevent illness, however, we WILL occasionally be sick anyway.

Hope this helps in some small way.

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Re: OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2009, 08:56:14 AM » by lovingmomof2

I agree with what was said above, but had another thought. You could also help him see that a sterile (perfectly clean) environment can be bad too. Here is what I mean. If someone is in a perfectly clean environment then the first time they come across a germ, bacteria, etc. they WILL get sick because their bodies has not been able to build up any antibodies to any germs. Does that make sense? I have seen happen a lot. Usually a new mother is so concerned about "germs" that she is sanitizing everything and yet her child is almost always sick.
I also think that it is important to somehow explain to him that he is in control of himself, but not others. He can control that he washes his hands and is careful not to cough, sneeze, etc. in a manner that would spread his germs, but you cannot control other. He can help to teach his younger siblings good hygiene, in a loving way though. I don't see anything wrong with wanting to know if the person preparing your food has clean hands, but asking once is enough, more than that is rude. KWIM?
Another thing is that I think it is important for him to read, research some of this himself with mom's guidance of course instead of just telling him what you know. Sometimes at his age it helps to see it for yourself. Just a few more thoughts.

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Proverbs 31:26
"She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."

Re: OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2009, 11:21:04 AM » by petrimama

Over the summer my 8yo was EXACTLY like this. I t started with his fear of me contracting toxoplasmosis from our cat (I was pregnant) and it escalated to the point where I couldn't keep enough soap in the house and he started being a bit mean to his younger siblings when they were less than sanitary. We tried several approaches, including what was recommended here already but what finally worked was a bit different.
We explained to him that he was trying too hard to control life and not trusting the Lord enough. We described the difference between being a responsible, diligent servant and being a usurper of God's authority and how that applied to his behavior. We told him that while cleanliness is a good thing, he was allowing it to control him; he was in bondage to his germaphobia and that it was taking his focus off of the Lord. We pointed out that if Satan can use anything to take our focus off of the Lord then he has had a victory and sometimes it is hard to spot when the other focus is a worthwhile cause. We must always be on guard against anything that could blur the real purpose we have in Christ.
Then we made a pact that we would pray for him and he would also pray for wisdom to know exactly how much cleanliness is acceptable. In addition, whenever he felt a compulsion to wash wash wash he would come to my husband or I and we would pray with him right then no matter what else was going on.
Of course, the Lord was faithful and he is now a regular old kid again. In fact, I sometimes wish he would wipe his feet or wash his hands a bit more - but I just keep that to myself. Wink

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Re: OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2009, 12:09:41 PM » by oliveoil

Lovingmama and aireachail, I have done all of what you have metioned. I suppose it doesn't help that his personality is one where if he gets an idea in his head he sticks with that despite all logic and reasoning.
I haven't take the spiritual route-my husband has attempted that, and that's another topic because most of the time his heart is hard and cold as rock. He wouldn't respond to that, in his mind it wouldn't be practical and wouldn't apply. But then real facts don't dissuade him either.
For a time we joked about it, all in good fun, and then at times we've given him some responsibility in that area letting him be the 'supervisor'. I don't try and blow off his concerns, I've done all you said to no avail. He is mean about it, and if he suspects someone might be ill or be coming down with someone advises the other siblings to stay away from that child and will roughly push them away if they get too near.
I know his heart is hard. A major problem in his character is this: he can be wrong, and he knows it, but he's mad and he won't see reason, reality or anything else until he gets out of his funk. I have had my sister think he's got Aspergers because some of the things he does, I'm not one to jump on any disorder because it seems to justify a sinful heart. But maybe he does have some problem I don't know!
So like I said, when he gets an idea in his head, whether it's dealing with germs or that he had a right to kick his brother for no reason, he'll stick to it until he's out of that mood.
Thanks for the responses I do appreciate them.

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Re: OCD, Fear of germs, disease, sickness etc...
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2009, 03:06:27 PM » by aireachail

Oliveoil, this sounds like a tough situation, and there is definitely more to it than a simple overdose of hygiene.

If you describe your son's heart as cold and hard, I wonder if that might not be the place to start. His controlling and paranoid behavior is quite possibly only a symptom of the real problem- which might be a lack of trust in God (as petrimama described), a problem with pride (who doesn't struggle with that?!), and a lack of love for others (as shown in his treatment of his siblings).

My gut response is to suggest something that I should really take to heart in my own life: pray for your son. My recommendation would be that you engage in alot of prayer for your son's heart, and also asking for wisdom on what your response should be to this issue.

I hope that you are able to sort this out quickly- I know how frustrating it can be when you feel like nothing is really working.

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